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Walks ยท one sitting, about 11 min

The one that will not let you rest

For the achiever part that keeps you working and will not let you rest: get to know it as a protector, hear what it is afraid would happen if it eased off, and ask whether it could ease off a little, without promising it anything.

10 steps, drawn from 15 books on IFS.

Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.

Read every step first
  1. The one that keeps you going. For the part that keeps you working and will not let you rest. This walk gets to know it as a protector. It does not ask it to stop, and it does not promise it a break.
  2. Sit down. Sit in a way you can stay in. Eyes open or closed, whichever feels better. Notice what holds you up: the seat under you, the floor under your feet.
  3. Find it. Focus on the part that keeps you going when it is hard to stop or rest. Where do you notice it, in your body or around your body? What does it get done, and what does it cost you?
  4. How do you feel toward it? Not how the achiever feels. How you feel toward it. A part like this can be easy to mistake for you. Answer with what is true rather than what sounds right. This answer decides what comes next.
  5. What is it afraid of? Let it know you are here. Ask what it fears would happen if it eased off, even for a while. Wait for its answer rather than guessing it.
  6. Where did its answer point? Sometimes its fear is about now: not getting approval, being thought lazy, a bad review. Sometimes it points further back, at a more vulnerable part of you it is protecting. Both are worth knowing. Only one of them is for today.
  7. How the work is going. From where you are now, not from its view: how has the work actually been going? If it fits, let it know you share its aim of doing a good job, and see how it takes that.
  8. A little room. Ask whether it would be willing to ease off a little in one small place, such as one evening. It can keep its job. This is a question, not a promise.
  9. How strong is it now? The same scale you used at the start. A change is worth noticing. No change is fine too: you know it better than you did.
  10. Before you go. Thank it for the work, and any part that stepped back for being with you, whether or not anyone told you anything. If you plan to come back, let them know, only if you mean it. Then return to the room: feel your feet and look around.
  11. Get to know the one that keeps stepping in. That is all right. Today, this is the part to get to know. Ask it what it is afraid would happen if it let you get closer to the achiever. Wait for its answer, instead of thinking one up.
  12. Seen, and not today. If a younger part showed itself, let it know you noticed it and will not forget about it. You are not going to it today. If you want, make a note so you can come back to it. That may be plenty for one sitting.
  13. You can stop here. When a part will not step back, stopping here is fine. It does not mean you are failing: it may take more time for it to trust you. You can use the time that is left to hear what it is worried about.
  14. Ask the other part for some room. Turn toward whichever part answered just now. Ask if it would give you a little room, just for a few minutes, so you can meet the achiever. It does not have to leave. If it worries the achiever will take over, let it know you will not let that happen.