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Walks ยท one sitting, about 13 min

The ones around the pain

For pain you live with: find it, find a place that feels okay, then turn to the parts that react to the pain, like the one that braces or the one that pushes through, and get to know one. Then breathe some Self-energy toward the pain itself.

14 steps, drawn from 14 books on IFS.

A draft: every passage it quotes is in its book, but its own wording has not yet been checked against them.

Read every step first
  1. The pain, and who reacts to it. This is for pain you live with: a back that flares, or a condition that comes and goes. The pain itself may be only physical. This walk turns to the parts that react to it. If no doctor has looked at the pain, start there. Nothing here goes to the hurt parts that protectors guard.
  2. Land first. Get into whatever position is kindest to the pain right now. A few slow breaths, only to arrive. If breathing on purpose makes it worse, skip it and feel the seat or bed under you instead.
  3. Find the pain. Let your attention go to where it hurts, as close as feels okay and no closer. Is it sharp or dull? Throbbing or steady? Hot or cool? Is it more like water, or like electricity?
  4. And a place that is okay. Now find somewhere that feels okay, even if it is only an earlobe or the tip of one finger. Notice what okay feels like there. You can come back to this spot any time during the walk.
  5. Who shows up around it? Pain tends to draw a crowd. Notice what else is here besides the ache itself. Which of these is loudest right now?
  6. Turn to that one. Turn toward the one you picked, not the pain. Where do you notice it? It may sit somewhere else entirely: a set jaw, or a head busy making plans.
  7. How do you feel toward it? Notice how you feel toward this one. Not toward the pain: toward the part reacting to it. Answer with what is true rather than what sounds right, because this answer decides what comes next.
  8. What is it doing for you? Ask it what it is trying to do for you, around this pain. Then wait. If an answer comes, take it as it is. If nothing comes, that is fine.
  9. What is it guarding? Ask it: what are you afraid would happen if you stopped doing this around the pain? Wait for its answer rather than thinking one up.
  10. Where did its answer point? Sometimes a protector's fear is about now: the argument, the deadline, being let down again. Sometimes it points further back, at someone younger in you who got hurt and still carries it. Both are worth knowing. Only one of them is for today.
  11. If it is true, thank it. If you can see what it has been trying to do, let it know. It has been on duty every time the pain flared. Its methods can be clumsy and the effort still real.
  12. Some breath for the pain. Now turn to the pain itself. Breathe in where you are most at ease, maybe the okay spot. Breathe out toward the pain, as if the breath could reach it, without asking it to leave. If this makes things worse, stop and rest on the okay spot instead.
  13. How loud is it now? The same scale you used at the start. This may not change the pain, and that is not a failure: you met one of the ones around it.
  14. Before you go. Thank the part you met, and any that stepped back, if that is true. Tell it you will come back only if you mean to. Then return to the room: the seat or bed under you, and a few things you can see.
  15. Get to know the one that keeps stepping in. That is all right. Today, this is the part to get to know. Ask it what it is afraid would happen if it let you get closer to the first one. Then wait for its answer instead of thinking one up.
  16. Seen, and not today. If a younger part showed itself, let it know you noticed it, and that you will not forget about it. You are not going to it today. If you want, jot a note so you can find your way back later. That may be plenty for one sitting.
  17. Ask the other part for some room. Turn toward the part that has strong feelings about this one. Ask if it would give you a little room, just for a few minutes. It can stay nearby. If it worries the first part will take over, let it know you will not let that happen.