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Walks ยท one sitting, about 14 min

The part that wants to believe, and the part that will not

For when one part of you wants to believe and another will not, about God, a faith or anything spiritual: hear each side in turn while the other waits, and let neither one win.

14 steps, drawn from 14 books on IFS.

Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.

Read every step first
  1. Both are welcome here. For when one part of you leans toward believing and another will not go there: about God, a faith, or something you have no word for. Both are welcome, whatever you believe or do not. This walk hears each in turn, and does not decide which is right. If a younger part shows up, it can wait somewhere safe for another time.
  2. Land first. If it helps, take a few slow breaths, only to arrive in the room you are in. This is not for pushing anything away. Whatever is loud can stay loud.
  3. Where the two sides show up. Bring to mind a time both sides showed up: at a service, after a loss, in a talk about belief, or in a quiet moment on your own. One side leans toward believing. The other holds back, or says no. Notice the two of them, without picking one yet.
  4. Name the louder side. Which side is louder right now: the one that wants to believe, or the one that will not? Start with that one. Give it a name if one comes, from what it wants or how it sounds. Any name will do.
  5. How do you feel toward the two of them? Not how they feel about each other. How you feel toward both of them, right now. Answer with what is true rather than what sounds right. This answer decides what comes next.
  6. Hear the louder side first. Ask the quieter side if it would wait nearby for a few minutes. Let it know its turn is coming. Then turn to the louder side. Ask what it wants for you, and what it is trying to do. You do not have to agree or argue, only listen.
  7. What is it afraid of? Ask it what it fears would happen if the other side had its way. Wait for its answer rather than guessing it.
  8. Where did its answer point? Sometimes its fear is about now: being judged, feeling out of place, having to keep some part of you quiet. Sometimes it points further back, at a younger part of you that got hurt and still carries it. Both are worth knowing. Only one of them is for today.
  9. Now the other side. Thank the louder side, and ask if it will wait its turn now. Then turn to the other side, just as interested in it. Ask it the same: what it wants for you, and what it is trying to do. Listen without siding with it either.
  10. And what is this one afraid of? Ask it what it fears would happen if the first side had its way. Wait for its answer.
  11. Where did its answer point? Sometimes its fear is about now: being judged, feeling out of place, having to keep some part of you quiet. Sometimes it points further back, at a younger part of you that got hurt and still carries it. Both are worth knowing. Only one of them is for today.
  12. Neither has to win. If it helps, turn your palms up and let each side rest in one hand. Notice what it is like to hold both. Nothing has to be settled today. See if each side can stay, knowing the other is staying too, and that you will keep listening to both.
  13. How loud is it now? The same scale you used at the start. A drop is worth noticing. No change is fine too: you know them both better than you did.
  14. Before you go. Thank both sides, and any part that waited its turn or stepped back. Let them know this was not their last chance: you plan to come back, so only say that if you mean it. Then bring your attention back out. Feel your feet, look around the room you are in, and take a breath or two if that helps.
  15. Get to know the one that keeps stepping in. That is all right. Today, this is the part to get to know. Ask it what it is afraid would happen if it let you hear both sides. Wait for its answer, instead of thinking one up.
  16. Seen, and not today. If a younger part showed itself, let it know you noticed it and will not forget about it. You are not going to it today. If you want, make a note so you can come back to it. That may be plenty for one sitting.
  17. You can stop here. When a part will not step back, stopping here is fine. It does not mean you are failing: it may take more time for it to trust you. You can use the time that is left to hear what it is worried about.
  18. Ask the other part for some room. Turn toward whichever part answered just now. Ask if it would give you a little room, just for a few minutes, so you can hear both sides. It does not have to leave. If it worries one side will take over, let it know you will not let that happen.