Walks ยท one sitting, about 12 min
Just company
For a part that has worked hard and is worn out. Rest in your own breath until it feels steady, then offer that steadiness to the part on the out-breath, with a hum, with a few plain words. No questions and no fixing: self-compassion as company.
13 steps, drawn from 13 books on IFS.
A draft: every passage it quotes is in its book, but its own wording has not yet been checked against them.
Read every step first
- Nothing to ask it. Most walks here ask a part questions. This one does not. First you find something steady in yourself, your own breathing. Then you offer it to a part that has been working hard, the planner, say, or the one that keeps you going. It does not have to do anything with it.
- Settle. Sit or lie however suits you, eyes open or closed. Breathe slowly down into your belly a few times. Then let the breathing go back to doing itself. If the breathing does not help today, skip it.
- Where you feel it. Find the place where you feel the breath most plainly. For some people it is the chest. For others it is the nostrils, or the cool spot just above the top lip. Pick one.
- In, out, and the gap. Feel one breath come in. Feel it go out. Rest in the little gap before the next one. Again. Your attention will wander off; when you notice, come back as if nothing happened, because nothing did. If the gap makes a part nervous, skip it and just follow the breath.
- It has always come back. Notice what the breath is like: steady, and there when you need it. It has come back every single time, all your life, without being asked. Lean on that for a minute. That steadiness is close to what the books call Self.
- Who wants a seat? Ask inside whether a part that has been working hard would like to come and sit up front for a while. A tired one, or a worried one. Do not pick one by force. Wait and see who turns up, and where you notice it.
- How do you feel toward it? Before you offer it anything, check how you feel toward it. Your breath may give you a clue: easy, or caught. Answer with what is true rather than what sounds right.
- Breathe toward it. Breathe in where you feel steadiest. Breathe out toward where you feel the part. Over and over, no hurry. It may feel rocked, a little like being carried. If this is too much, go back to only your own breath. If the breathing does not help today, skip it.
- A hum. On the next few out-breaths, add a sound. A low hmm through closed lips, or a long aah. Nobody needs to hear it. Try both, and notice which one the part seems to like. If the breathing does not help today, skip it.
- A few words. Now send a few words along with the out-breath. Short ones: I know. I'm here. Or whatever it seems to need to hear, if it is true. It might rather have a song.
- How did it take it? Watch its response. It decides; you do not decide for it.
- How loud is it now? The same scale you used at the start. A drop is worth noticing, and no change is fine too: you sat with it instead of pushing it along.
- Before you go. Thank the part for sitting with you, if that is true, and any part that made room. If you plan to do this again, tell it so, and only then. Take a couple of bigger breaths, feel the seat under you, and look around you.
- Then both can sit up front. Then the one that reacted can come and sit up front as well. Neither has to leave. You will offer the breath to whichever of them wants it.
- Seen, and not today. If a younger part showed itself, let it know you noticed it, and that you will not forget about it. You are not going to it today. If you want, jot a note so you can find your way back later. That may be plenty for one sitting.
- Ask the other part for some room. Turn toward the part that has strong feelings about this one. Ask if it would give you a little room, just for a few minutes. It can stay nearby. If it worries the first part will take over, let it know you will not let that happen.