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Fire drill

Practice for a calm moment: someone who sets you off waits in a room behind a window, and you meet the protector that jumps up, from outside. You never go into the room.

15 steps, drawn from 7 books on IFS.

Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.

Read every step first
  1. For a calm moment. At first, practise this in a quiet time rather than in the middle of a hard moment. You will bring someone who sets you off to mind, but they stay in a room behind a window, and you do not go in.
  2. Someone who sets you off. Think of a person, from now or from the past, who really sets you off. Maybe they make you angry or sad, or maybe they are someone you closed your heart to at some point.
  3. A room, and a window. In your mind's eye, put that person in a room by themselves, where they have to stay for now. Look at them through a window, from the safety of being outside.
  4. The protector jumps in. Let them do or say the things that upset you, and notice what happens in your body and your mind as a protector jumps in. Notice what it does to your muscles and your heart, what impulses come, and your breathing.
  5. Through its eyes. Look at the person again. How do they look to you, seen through this protector's eyes?
  6. You are not going in. Let the protector know you are not going into that room, so it can stand down a little. See if it is willing to separate its energy from you, since you are not putting yourself in danger right now.
  7. What shifted. What are your muscles like now? Your heart, your breathing, your mind? Then look at the person in the room again. Do they look any different?
  8. Why so strong. Turn back to the protector that jumps up around this person. If you can be curious about it now, ask it why it feels it has to be so strong with this person.
  9. What it is afraid of. Ask it: what is it afraid would happen if it did not do that for you?
  10. Where did its answer point? Sometimes a protector's fear is about now: the argument, the deadline, being let down again. Sometimes it points further back, at a younger part of you that got hurt and still carries it. Both are worth knowing. Only one of them is for today.
  11. For working so hard. If you can, show it some appreciation for working so hard, and see how it takes that.
  12. If you went in, someday. You are not going into the room today. Just get a sense of what it might be like if you went in more Self-led, so the protector would not have to be the one dealing with this person. How might it go?
  13. What would it take. If you got a sense of how it could be different, let the protector know. Ask what it would take for it to trust you to lead with people like this one. If it is still afraid to trust you, ask it to tell you more about that.
  14. How loud is it now? The same scale you used at the start. A drop is worth noticing, and no change is fine too: you know it better than you did.
  15. Before you go. When the time feels right, thank this protector for whatever it did, and for whatever it let you know. Then begin to shift your focus back outside, with a few deep breaths if that helps.
  16. Seen, and not today. If something younger showed itself, let it know you noticed it, and that you will not forget about it. You are not going to it today. If you want, make a note to come back to it. That might be enough for today.