Walks ยท one sitting, about 4 min
Before the hard conversation at work
A short check before a hard conversation at work: what you want from it, what your protectors are saying about it, whether they are likely to get you there, and one plain thing to say.
7 steps, drawn from 6 books on IFS.
Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.
Read every step first
- A few minutes before. For a few minutes before a conversation at work you are not looking forward to. This notices what is going on inside. It is not meant to take the nerves away.
- Feet first. Stand or sit where you are. Feel the floor under your feet. Breathe the way you do when you are about to start something, or a little slower.
- What you want. What do you want the outcome of the conversation to be? One sentence is plenty.
- What they are saying. What are your protectors saying about this conversation? If you can, notice where in your body you find them. You are only listening.
- Are they likely to get you there? Read back what you want, then what they are saying. Do those parts look likely to get you there?
- One plain thing. What is one plain thing you want to say, from the clearest place you can find? You can prepare it beforehand and get centred before you walk in.
- Before you go. Thank the parts that spoke up, and any that stepped back. If one gets loud again in the conversation itself, you can let it know you have this. Then come back to the room: your feet, what you can see.
- Ask them to watch from the back. Let them know you are going to handle this conversation. Ask them to relax and watch from the back. Some may want to give their advice first. Hear it.