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I'm here now

A few minutes when something in your day stirs a younger part you have noticed before: notice it, ask the part that guards it for a moment, and check how you feel toward the younger one. Then let it know you are here now, and promise to come back only if you will.

9 steps, drawn from 17 books on IFS.

A walk with a younger part. It starts by asking the parts that guard it, so it goes best once you have met one of them in Getting some room.

Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.

Read every step first
  1. Something stirred. Something in your day just stirred a younger part you have noticed before. Feel your feet on the floor; your eyes can stay open. Then notice where the younger one is, in or around your body. You can stop on any step, and stopping is fine.
  2. Ask its guard first. Notice any part that guards the younger one, perhaps one that wants to push the feeling away. Ask it: may I be with the one you look after, just for a moment? Tell it you will ask the younger one not to overwhelm you. Then wait for a real answer. Going quiet is not a yes.
  3. How do you feel toward it? Not how the younger one feels: how do you feel toward it, right now? Your answer shows whether you are the one with it, or another part is.
  4. Just enough. Ask the younger one not to flood you with its feelings, so you can stay with it, feeling just enough. If it grows too strong, ask it to turn the volume down a little.
  5. I'm here now. If it is true, let the younger one know, inside, that you are here now: "I'm here now." Say it as you, not as a part that needs it to feel better. Then notice how it takes that, without thinking up an answer.
  6. Stay a moment. Stay with it a little longer, if that feels right. There is nothing to do here but be together.
  7. Until you come back. Ask the younger one where it would like to be until you come back to it, and let it choose. If you will make time for it later, tell it so. Promise only what you will do.
  8. How loud is it now? The same scale you used at the start. Louder, quieter or the same are all fine: a moment with a younger part can stir things up.
  9. Back to your day. Thank the younger one, and any part that made room or said not now. If you promised to come back, keep it. Then feel your feet, look around, and turn back to what you were doing. Even when the guards seemed to agree, a part may act out afterward; that is not uncommon. If it does, try getting curious about it rather than fighting it.
  10. Back to where you are. Feel your feet and the walls of the room around you. Breathe slowly for a minute or two if that helps, or skip it and look around instead. You do not need to go back to the younger one now.
  11. Not now is an answer. When a part is not ready, stopping here is fine, and it does not mean you failed. It may need more time before it trusts you near the younger one. Thank it for answering, and come back another time if you will.
  12. Ask for a little room. Turn to the part that answered just now. Ask if it would give you a little room for a moment, staying close by. If it fears the younger one's feelings will be too much, tell it you can ask them not to overwhelm you.