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Walks ยท one sitting, about 14 min

The one that hides

Meet the part that keeps you small, quiet or out of sight as a protector: find it, notice how you feel toward it, and hear what it is afraid would happen if you were seen. A shame walk that stays with the protector.

14 steps, drawn from 14 books on IFS.

Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.

Read every step first
  1. For the part that keeps you out of sight. For the part that keeps you small: quiet when you have something to say, slumped instead of standing tall, at home instead of at the party. This walk meets it as a protector and does not push you into the open. A part that feels bad about itself may show up under it; that one can wait for another day. You can stop at any point.
  2. Land first. Sit in a way you can stay in for a while. Your eyes can stay open or rest closed, whichever feels better, and you can change your mind. Notice what is holding you up: the seat under you, the floor under your feet.
  3. Breath, or the room. If a few slower breaths help, take them. If paying attention to your breath makes things worse, look around the room instead. None of this is meant to bring anything out of hiding. Whatever is tucked away can stay where it is.
  4. A time it kept you back. Bring to mind a recent time you held back from being seen: you kept quiet, stayed out of the way, or did not go. Just the moment. There is no need to go into the history behind it.
  5. Find it. Turn toward the part that held you back, rather than the moment itself. Where do you notice it: in your body, or near it? It might feel like shrinking, or pulling in and coiling up.
  6. What it does. See what it does to keep you out of sight. It might make attention feel dangerous, talk you out of trying, or stop you feeling good about what you did. However you sense it is fine.
  7. How do you feel toward it? Not how the part feels. How you feel toward it. Answer with what is true rather than what sounds right. This answer decides what comes next.
  8. Let it know you see it. Let it know you can see how hard it works to keep you out of harm's way. It may be shy of being seen even by you. That fits its job, and there is no hurry. Ask whether it has something it wants you to know, and wait.
  9. What is it afraid of? Ask it what it is afraid would happen if you were seen: if you spoke up, stood out, or went. Wait for its answer rather than guessing it.
  10. Where did its answer point? Sometimes its fear is about now: being judged or laughed at, or someone being hurt by you doing well. Sometimes it points further back, at a younger part that believes being seen means being found out as bad. Both are worth knowing. Only the first is for today.
  11. Let it know who you are now. If it feels honest, thank it for trying to protect you. See whether it knows how old you are now. Protectors often took their job on young. If it takes you for a child, you might tell it your age, and notice how it reacts.
  12. How loud is it now? The same scale you used at the start. A drop is worth noticing. No change is fine too: you know it better than you did.
  13. Give it a name, if one comes. A name can help you notice it sooner next time, before it pulls you all the way in. Any name will do. If none comes, leave it blank.
  14. Before you go. Thank the one that hides for what it let you see, and any part that gave you room or let you know it was afraid. If you mean it, tell them you plan to come back. When you are ready, return to the room: feel your feet and look around.
  15. Get to know the one that keeps stepping in. That is all right. Today, this is the part to get to know. Ask it what it is afraid would happen if it let you get closer to the one that hides. Wait for its answer, instead of thinking one up.
  16. Seen, and not today. If a younger part showed itself, let it know you noticed it and will not forget it. You are not going to it today. If you want, make a note to come back. You can thank the one that hides for showing you what it guards. That may be plenty for one sitting.
  17. You can stop here. When a part will not step back, stopping here is fine. It does not mean you are failing: it may take more time for it to trust you. You can use the time that is left to hear what it is worried about.
  18. Ask for a little room. Turn toward whichever part answered just now. Ask if it would give you a little room, just for a few minutes, so you can meet the one that hides. It does not have to leave.