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Walks ยท one sitting, about 14 min

The part that says later

For a task you keep not starting: meet the procrastinating part as a protector, ask the part that pushes for a little room, and hear what the stalling guards.

13 steps, drawn from 18 books on IFS.

A draft: every passage it quotes is in its book, but its own wording has not yet been checked against them.

Read every step first
  1. The thing you keep not starting. This is for the task that has been on the list so long it has gone a bit yellow. The email, the form, the first line. Here the putting off is treated as a part with a reason, not a flaw to beat. There is often a second part as well, the one that has been shouting at you to get on with it. Each gets a turn. You stay with the parts that protect you, and you can stop whenever you like.
  2. Sit down first. Sit somewhere you can stay for a few minutes. Eyes open, or resting on one spot. Take a few slower breaths if they help. If breathing on cue makes you fidgety, skip it and look at three things in the room instead.
  3. Name it. Write the task the way it sits on your list. Just its name. No need to open it, look at it or feel bad about it.
  4. The moment you turn away. Picture yourself about to begin: the file open, the phone in your hand. Notice what happens in you just before you turn away. Heaviness, fog, a sudden need for tea, a voice saying tomorrow. Where is it, on or inside your body?
  5. Say it as a part. Try a different sentence. Not 'I am lazy', but 'a part of me does not want to start this'. Then stay with that part for a moment, the way you might sit next to someone on a bench without talking.
  6. Your feeling toward it. Toward the part that stalls, not toward the task. Be honest, because this answer picks the next step. Most people find another part answering here: the one that has been blowing the whistle for weeks.
  7. What does the stalling do for you? Ask the stalling part how it helps you by keeping you away from this task. Then wait. It may answer with a picture, a feeling or one word. If nothing comes, that is an answer too.
  8. If you started right now. Ask it: if you sat down and began this minute, what does it fear might happen? Let it answer in its own time.
  9. Where did its answer point? Sometimes the fear is about now: the deadline, the email, looking foolish at work. Sometimes it points further back, at someone younger inside you who got hurt and still carries it. Both are worth knowing. Only the first is for today.
  10. Some company. Ask it nothing for a moment. Let it have your company, the way you would sit with a friend who does not want to talk. If some warmth turns up toward it, let that reach it. If none does, being there counts.
  11. Five minutes, with it beside you. If you mean it, thank it for guarding you. Then ask: would it let you try one small piece of the task, five minutes maybe, with it right beside you and free to pull you out? It can say no. Notice what it says.
  12. How loud is it now? The same scale as at the start. If it dropped, notice that. If it did not, that is fine: you have looked at the stalling instead of shoving it.
  13. Before you go. Thank the part that stalls, and the pusher, and any part that made room or told you it was afraid. Say you will check in with them again only if you plan to. Then return to the room: your feet, the chair, one thing you can see. The task can wait where it is until you choose to pick it up.
  14. Meet the one that keeps stepping in. Fine. Today this is the part to meet. Ask it what it fears might go wrong if it eased off, pushing or reacting, for a little while. Then wait for its answer, not yours.
  15. Where did its answer point? Sometimes the fear is about now: the deadline, the boss, the bill. Sometimes it points further back, at someone younger inside you who got hurt and still carries it. Both are worth knowing. Only the first is for today.
  16. Seen, and not today. If someone younger came forward, let it know you saw it and you will not forget it. You are not going to it today. You can leave yourself a note, so you know where to come back to.
  17. Stopping here is fine. If a part will not give you room today, you can stop here. Nothing has failed. Trust takes more than one sitting. If it told you what worries it, you can keep a note of that.
  18. Ask the pusher to sit down. Turn to the part that reacted, often the one with the whistle. Ask it to sit on the bench for a little while so you can hear the other side. It is not losing the argument. If it fears the stalling will win for good, tell it you are not handing anything over.