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A letter from a part

A protector writes you a letter in its own voice: when it first showed up, what it believes its job is, what it fears. Then you write back from where you are now, and thank it if that is honest.

13 steps, drawn from 18 books on IFS.

Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.

Read every step first
  1. A letter from a part. This is a few minutes of letter writing with one of your parts. First it writes to you, from its point of view: when it first showed up, what it believes its job is, and what it fears. Then you write back to it. This walk works with the parts that protect you. If a younger part shows up, you can put it somewhere safe and come back to it another time, once its protectors are willing.
  2. Get comfortable. Take a second to get comfortable where you are. Keep your eyes open, or let your gaze go soft and rest somewhere. If a few slow breaths help you settle, take them. If not, look around the room you are in for a moment instead.
  3. Choose the part. Think of which part you want to invite into the conversation: one that protects you. See where you notice it today: in your body, or around it. It might come as a feeling, words or an image. Any of those counts.
  4. How do you feel toward it? Not how the part feels. How you feel toward the part. Answer with what is true rather than what sounds right, because this answer decides what comes next.
  5. Ask it to write. Let it know you are here for it. You might say: "I am here for you. For the next few minutes I am available to connect with you." Then ask whether it would write you a letter: "Please write me a letter and say anything you want to say. I won't get mad at you."
  6. Its letter. Let it write to you, in its own voice, from its point of view. It might tell you when it first showed up and what it believes its job is. Write down what you hear without judging or arguing with it, and do not think up its words for it. It may feel strange at first. Write for as little or as long as you want.
  7. What it fears. If its letter has not said it already, ask it what it is afraid would happen if it stopped doing its job. Let it answer in its own words, and write down what you hear. Wait for its answer rather than thinking one up.
  8. Where did its answer point? Sometimes a protector's fear is about now: the argument, the deadline, being let down again. Sometimes it points further back, at a younger part of you that got hurt and still carries it. Both are worth knowing. Only one of them is for today.
  9. Read it back. Read its letter, out loud if you like. Then say, "Thank you for sharing this with me." See how it reacts, and do not answer for it.
  10. Write back. Now write back to it, from where you are now. You might let it know that its fears make sense, and that you are older now and might bring a different perspective, resource or skill. Ask questions to understand it better, and offer comfort if you can. If it feels true, thank it for what it has tried to do for you.
  11. Its answer. See how it responds to what you wrote. If it writes back, you can keep taking turns until you feel a sense of understanding. Then ask it what it needs from you in the future, and wait for its answer rather than thinking one up. Nothing coming is an answer too.
  12. How loud is it now? The same scale you used at the start. A drop is worth noticing, and no change is fine too: you know it better than you did.
  13. Before you go. If it is true, thank this part once more, and any part that made room for you to be with it. Let it know you will come back, but only say that if you mean it. Then bring your attention back out. Feel your feet, look around the room you are in, and take a breath or two if that helps.
  14. Get to know the one that keeps stepping in. That is all right. Today, this is the part to get to know. Ask it what it is afraid would happen if it let you get closer to the first one. Then wait for its answer instead of thinking one up.
  15. Where did its answer point? Sometimes a protector's fear is about now: the argument, the deadline, being let down again. Sometimes it points further back, at a younger part of you that got hurt and still carries it. Both are worth knowing. Only one of them is for today.
  16. Seen, and not today. If a younger part showed itself, let it know you noticed it, and that you will not forget about it. You are not going to it today. If you want, make a note to come back to it. That may be plenty for one sitting.
  17. Stopping here is allowed. When a part will not step back, stopping here is fine. It does not mean you are failing: it may take more time for it to trust you. You can use the time that is left to hear what it is worried about.
  18. Ask the other part for some room. Turn toward the part that has strong feelings about this one. Ask if it would give you a little room, just for a few minutes. It can stay nearby. If it worries the first part will take over, let it know you will not let that happen.