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Walks ยท one sitting, about 9 min

The part that is having a hard time

Find a part that is having a hard time today, get to know how you feel toward it, ask how it is doing, and offer it care in the way that suits it, a hand where you notice it or a few words. Self-compassion with one part.

9 steps, drawn from 16 books on IFS.

Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.

Read every step first
  1. Care for the part having a hard time. For a part of you that is having a hard time today, one you can name or only feel. This walk gets to know it and offers it some care. It does not ask it to feel better. If a more vulnerable part shows up, you can come back to it another time.
  2. Be here first. Notice that you are here. Feel the seat under you and your hands. Breathe at your own pace.
  3. Which part is having the hardest time? Which part of you is having the hardest time today? A small version is fine. Where do you notice it, in your body or near it? How hard is it working right now?
  4. How do you feel toward it? Not how the part that is struggling feels. How you feel toward it. A part like this can be easy to mistake for you. Answer with what is true rather than what sounds right. This answer decides what comes next.
  5. Let it know you are here. Let it know you are here. Ask how it is doing, and what it wants you to know. Wait for its answer rather than thinking one up. If nothing comes, that is okay too.
  6. Care, its way. Ask what kind of care it would want from you, if any. If it is open to it, you could offer a hand where you notice it, or on your chest, or a few slow breaths together. Offer only what you can do.
  7. A few words. Let it know how you feel toward it, in whatever way you can, if that is true. A few words are enough, such as "this is hard right now". Then notice how it takes that.
  8. How strong is it now? The same scale you used at the start. A change is worth noticing. No change is fine too: you know it better than you did.
  9. Before you go. Thank it, and any part that stepped back, for being with you, whether or not it told you anything. Let it know you plan to come back, only if you mean it. When you are ready, return to the room: feel your feet and look around.
  10. Get to know the one that keeps stepping in. That is all right. Today, this is the part to get to know. Ask it what it is afraid would happen if it let you get closer to the part that is struggling. Wait for its answer, instead of thinking one up.
  11. Where did its answer point? Sometimes what the others fear is about now. Sometimes it points at a more vulnerable part of you that is hurting. Both are worth knowing. Only one of them is for today.
  12. Seen, and not today. If a younger part showed itself, let it know you noticed it and will not forget about it. You are not going to it today. If you want, make a note so you can come back to it. That may be plenty for one sitting.
  13. You can stop here. When a part will not step back, stopping here is fine. It does not mean you are failing: it may take more time for it to trust you. You can use the time that is left to hear what it is worried about.
  14. Ask the other part for some room. Turn toward whichever part answered just now. Ask if it would give you a little room, just for a few minutes, so you can meet the part that is struggling. It does not have to leave. If it worries the part that is struggling will take over, let it know you will not let that happen.