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Walks · one sitting, about 13 min

What you were taught to believe

For a part that carries a faith you were raised in, one you came to, or the leaving of one: ask what it holds and where it picked it up, without deciding whether it is true, and hear what it is afraid of.

14 steps, drawn from 17 books on IFS.

Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.

Read every step first
  1. For a part that carries a teaching. This is for a part that carries what you were taught to believe, or the leaving of it: a faith you grew up in, came to later or walked away from, or a family that turned away from belief. This walk gets to know the part. It does not say whether what it holds is true. If a younger part shows itself, you can let it know you noticed it and come back another time.
  2. Land first. Sit in a way you can stay in for a while. Your eyes can stay open or rest closed, whichever feels better, and you can change your mind. Notice what is holding you up: the seat under you, the floor under your feet.
  3. Breath, or the room. If a few slower breaths help, take them. If paying attention to your breath makes things worse, look around the room instead.
  4. What were you taught? Bring to mind something you were taught to believe, or taught not to: about God, about right and wrong, about what a good person does. If it helps, finish a sentence: a good ___ is, a good ___ does not. Fill the blank with what you were raised to be, or with "person". Notice what comes up.
  5. Find the part that holds it. See if you can find the part that holds this, in or around your body. It may be the one that argues when the subject comes up, or the one that shuts down.
  6. How do you feel toward it? Not how the part feels. How you feel toward it. Answer with what is true rather than what sounds right. This answer decides what comes next.
  7. Ask about what it holds. Let it know you are not here to argue with what it holds, or to talk it out of it. Ask what it would like you to know, and wait for its answer rather than thinking one up.
  8. Where it picked it up. If it feels all right, ask whether this started with the part, or whether it picked it up somewhere: family, a community, the culture around you. A word or a name is enough, with no need for the history. Some of what came down to you may be a gift, and some may be heavy. None of it has to be sorted today.
  9. What is it afraid of? Ask it what it is afraid would happen if it loosened its hold on this. Wait for its answer rather than guessing it.
  10. Where did its answer point? Sometimes its fear is about now: being judged, feeling out of place, getting it wrong. Sometimes it points further back, at a younger part of you that got hurt and still carries it. Both are worth knowing. Only one of them is for today.
  11. Thank it, if that is honest. If it feels true, thank it for carrying this all this time. What it holds can stay with it. See whether it knows your age. If it seems to think you are still young, you might tell it how old you are now, and notice how it reacts.
  12. How strong is it now? The same scale you used at the start. A change is worth noticing. No change is fine too: you know it better than you did.
  13. Give it a name, if one comes. A name can help you notice it sooner next time, before it pulls you all the way in. Any name will do. If none comes, leave it blank.
  14. Before you go. Thank the part that holds this, and any part that stepped back, for being with you, whether or not it told you anything. Let it know you plan to come back, only if you mean it. When you are ready, return to the room: feel your feet and look around. If it speaks up later, you can notice it as a part speaking.
  15. Get to know the one that keeps stepping in. That is all right. Today, this is the part to get to know. Ask it what it is afraid would happen if it let you get closer to the part that holds this. Wait for its answer, instead of thinking one up.
  16. Seen, and not today. If a younger part showed itself, let it know you noticed it and will not forget about it. You are not going to it today. If you want, make a note so you can come back to it. That may be plenty for one sitting.
  17. You can stop here. When a part will not step back, stopping here is fine. It does not mean you are failing: it may take more time for it to trust you. You can use the time that is left to hear what it is worried about.
  18. Ask the other part for some room. Turn toward whichever part answered just now. Ask if it would give you a little room, just for a few minutes, so you can meet the part that holds this. It does not have to leave. If it worries the part that holds this will take over, let it know you will not let that happen.