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Thanking a part

For a protector that has worked hard for you: notice what it has carried, thank it if that is honest, and wait to see how it takes it.

11 steps, drawn from 21 books on IFS.

Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.

Read every step first
  1. This is for saying thank you. This is a few minutes to thank a part that has worked hard for you: the one that keeps you going, the planner, the one that kept you safe. Thanks only counts if it is honest. If the feeling is not there today, that is fine. You can still get to know it, or come back another time.
  2. Get comfortable. Take a second to get comfortable where you are. Keep your eyes open, or let your gaze go soft and rest somewhere. If a few slow breaths help you settle, take them. If not, look around the room you are in for a moment instead.
  3. Which part? Think of a part that has been working hard for you. Use whatever name you already have for it, or ask it what it would like to be called.
  4. Bring it to mind. Bring this part to mind. See where you notice it today: in your body, or around it. It might come as a feeling, words or an image. Any of those counts.
  5. How do you feel toward it? Not how the part feels. How you feel toward the part. Answer with what is true rather than what sounds right, because this answer decides what comes next.
  6. What it has done for you. Notice what this part has been doing for you. What jobs has it taken on? What has it carried, maybe for a long time, without anyone noticing? Write a few things down.
  7. Let it know, if it is true. If it feels true, let this part know what you appreciate about it. Say it inside, in your own words. You might start with "Thank you for the ways you have..." If the feeling is not there right now, that is okay. You can say only what is true.
  8. How does it take it? Notice how it takes the thanks. Some parts are surprised. Some do not believe it yet. Some soften. Wait and see what it does, and do not answer for it.
  9. Anything it would like? Ask it whether there is anything it would like from you now. Then wait for its answer rather than thinking one up. Nothing coming is an answer too.
  10. How does it feel now? The same scale you used at the start. Some parts ease a little after being thanked, and some do not. Either is fine: you know it better than you did.
  11. Before you go. If it is true, thank this part once more, and any part that made room for you to be with it. Let it know you will come back, but only say that if you mean it. Then bring your attention back out. Feel your feet, look around the room you are in, and take a breath or two if that helps.
  12. Get to know the one that keeps stepping in. That is all right. Today, this is the part to get to know. Ask it what it is afraid would happen if it let you get closer to the first one. Then wait for its answer instead of thinking one up.
  13. Where did its answer point? Sometimes a protector's fear is about now: the argument, the deadline, being let down again. Sometimes it points further back, at a younger part of you that got hurt and still carries it. Both are worth knowing. Only one of them is for today.
  14. Seen, and not today. If a younger part showed itself, let it know you noticed it, and that you will not forget about it. You are not going to it today. If you want, make a note to come back to it. That may be plenty for one sitting.
  15. Stopping here is allowed. When a part will not step back, stopping here is fine. It does not mean you are failing: it may take more time for it to trust you. You can use the time that is left to hear what it is worried about.
  16. Ask the other part for some room. Turn toward the part that has strong feelings about this one. Ask if it would give you a little room, just for a few minutes. It can stay nearby. If it worries the first part will take over, let it know you will not let that happen.